This is the theme song...from the movie Anastasia... fell in love with it the first i heard it in my first year... rediscovered it after 2years...
We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start
And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you
And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothings gonna tear us apart
And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I�ll be there when the world stops turning
I�ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
Lovely.. isn't it..
Monday, April 7, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Current state of mind...
Well, where should i begin.. this is going to be difficult.. because when a human being finally comes to realize and accept their short comings, its a slight problem..
well, here its not so much of a short coming, but a problem that has surfaced in me over the past few months.. this current state of mind is no longer current.. it seems to be going on for very long.. I seem to have become detached... unable to express my emotions... show my feelings... even if i care, I can't seem to show it... and i can't seem to feel anything... no emotions.. of happiness.. of sadness.. of love.. of hurt... its like i have become a robot... doing things because they are being demanded... but not feeling anything in the process... i seem to have become numb.... stopped showing my care for those who matter to me... been pushing them away... avoiding them... purposely not taking their calls or responding to their messages... because i don't feel like it.. this is so unlike me... but i just feel the need to be alone...
this loneliness is not exactly the kind you think it is.. i enjoy spending time with people etc.. however, i don't want to have to discuss anything personal with them.. about their or my life.. i feel suffocated at times ... i feel like going away.... really far away... where they can't reach me.. where nobody can reach me...
i no longer want to make myself vulnerable to pain... but in the process, i seem to have forgotten how to love.. and care... earlier there were a handful of people i cared about.. even that list seems to have dwindled.. its not that i no longer care about them.. i do.. i will be there for them if and when they need me.. but i am incapable of going up to them and telling them that i am there for them.. that they can trust me to be stand by them irrespective of anything... i am unsure of my ability of taking care of human emotions anymore.. my approach to them is extremely practical and unemotional...
earlier, if someone i knew i was upset, i would be a patient listener, sit and talk them through it.. and assure them... however now, i can't seem to be able to do that.. i just keep trying to find ways to get out of the situation.. because it makes me uncomfortable... and the only advice i seem to have is extremely practical and unemotional..without any care for human emotions.. someone would say that is really good.. but i know that fundamentally and inherently that is not who i am... and is someone who i despised.. this new me, with such feelings and thoughts.. a closed shell.. open only when assured of no danger.. is a different person... a person i despise.. is someone who has made a lot of mistakes... and the old me.. the real me.. is regretting those mistakes.. wants to make amends to them.. wants to work on her relations n friendships.. hopes that those who have stood by her so far, will stick around for a bit more and see her through this..
but the question is.. can i change back to being the old me.. the one who can feel.. the one who can love... is it possible to make amends and rescue those friendships which are in the danger zone.. or is it too late.. have i reached a point of no return??
I would hope not... I hope there is still hope.. and i hope that my friends will understand me.. and help me through this.. I hope i can get back what i have almost lost..
oh.. and on a lighter note, the trip to gokarna was fun.. mixed bag of emotions in my current state of mind!! :)
well, here its not so much of a short coming, but a problem that has surfaced in me over the past few months.. this current state of mind is no longer current.. it seems to be going on for very long.. I seem to have become detached... unable to express my emotions... show my feelings... even if i care, I can't seem to show it... and i can't seem to feel anything... no emotions.. of happiness.. of sadness.. of love.. of hurt... its like i have become a robot... doing things because they are being demanded... but not feeling anything in the process... i seem to have become numb.... stopped showing my care for those who matter to me... been pushing them away... avoiding them... purposely not taking their calls or responding to their messages... because i don't feel like it.. this is so unlike me... but i just feel the need to be alone...
this loneliness is not exactly the kind you think it is.. i enjoy spending time with people etc.. however, i don't want to have to discuss anything personal with them.. about their or my life.. i feel suffocated at times ... i feel like going away.... really far away... where they can't reach me.. where nobody can reach me...
i no longer want to make myself vulnerable to pain... but in the process, i seem to have forgotten how to love.. and care... earlier there were a handful of people i cared about.. even that list seems to have dwindled.. its not that i no longer care about them.. i do.. i will be there for them if and when they need me.. but i am incapable of going up to them and telling them that i am there for them.. that they can trust me to be stand by them irrespective of anything... i am unsure of my ability of taking care of human emotions anymore.. my approach to them is extremely practical and unemotional...
earlier, if someone i knew i was upset, i would be a patient listener, sit and talk them through it.. and assure them... however now, i can't seem to be able to do that.. i just keep trying to find ways to get out of the situation.. because it makes me uncomfortable... and the only advice i seem to have is extremely practical and unemotional..without any care for human emotions.. someone would say that is really good.. but i know that fundamentally and inherently that is not who i am... and is someone who i despised.. this new me, with such feelings and thoughts.. a closed shell.. open only when assured of no danger.. is a different person... a person i despise.. is someone who has made a lot of mistakes... and the old me.. the real me.. is regretting those mistakes.. wants to make amends to them.. wants to work on her relations n friendships.. hopes that those who have stood by her so far, will stick around for a bit more and see her through this..
but the question is.. can i change back to being the old me.. the one who can feel.. the one who can love... is it possible to make amends and rescue those friendships which are in the danger zone.. or is it too late.. have i reached a point of no return??
I would hope not... I hope there is still hope.. and i hope that my friends will understand me.. and help me through this.. I hope i can get back what i have almost lost..
oh.. and on a lighter note, the trip to gokarna was fun.. mixed bag of emotions in my current state of mind!! :)
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