A Place Called Here

We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found.

witnessing the first arguments...

there is no way to describe the feeling i felt today...

when i saw a matter i had worked on come to its conclusion..

it was like seeing your baby grow up... like a fledgling learning to fly.. 

the happiness that was felt was enormous... the satisfaction even more.. 

the judge agreeing to your line of reasoning.. 

the strategy paying off..

immense pleasure as well... 

words are too few..

i wonder how it will feel when i argue my first matter and when i get my first favourable decision!

i might just be too overwhelmed..

im waiting.. expectantly for that day..

eagerly.. hopefully.. excitedly.. 

Graduation

Back in Bangalore... for one last time...
its nice to be back.. feel a part of this place and the people.. familiar faces tend to do that to you
its a happy moment..I wish time would stop right here..

but then again there is another life back in Delhi.. that I have fallen in love with..my work..
to sacrifice one for the other..its unfair

relations change with distance.. its a fact.. no matter what one might say.. I want to try keeping it the same..but the other person has moved on.. way ahead than you knew.. and I realised only when I saw it..they don't need you any more the way they did.. but you're still stuck there.. from where you left off..

tomorrow, I graduate...
tomorrow..for one last time..I will be with you here..

First Month at Work

Its been one whole month since i began work..

I'm still to get paid..but I'm not here to whine about that.. I did take up this profession at the risk of not getting paid at all.. so that's a separate issue altogether..

this is for the one month at work.. one week as an advocate..

People often ask..how does it feel to be working.. how does it feel to be an advocate.. well, in reality it seems the same as an internship..the only difference being that now I have to be more responsible.. I no longer have the excuse of being an intern who doesn't know how things work..yeah.. i do get some leverage as I am still learning work..but still.. I am now responsible for the lives of others..

after starting work, listening to people talk of their dreams.. has given me the power to dream.. and now.. even I want to achieve something.. something big... but will I be able to??
I thought I had figured out my life... everything was planned...however all that seems to have gone haywire since I began work.. well, I've decided... I will let that be.. what is meant to be will be.. I've enjoyed my first month at work thoroughly.. Now keeping fingers crossed and hoping things will continue to go smoothly in the future..

This is to my first month at work! :)

yesterday...

lightning... thunder... rain... cool breeze... perfect weather.. hot hot coffee...

Bangalore weather.. and nags...

Law school... and a lot more

At the beginning..

This is the theme song...from the movie Anastasia... fell in love with it the first i heard it in my first year... rediscovered it after 2years...

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothings gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I�ll be there when the world stops turning
I�ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Lovely.. isn't it..

Current state of mind...

Well, where should i begin.. this is going to be difficult.. because when a human being finally comes to realize and accept their short comings, its a slight problem..

well, here its not so much of a short coming, but a problem that has surfaced in me over the past few months.. this current state of mind is no longer current.. it seems to be going on for very long.. I seem to have become detached... unable to express my emotions... show my feelings... even if i care, I can't seem to show it... and i can't seem to feel anything... no emotions.. of happiness.. of sadness.. of love.. of hurt... its like i have become a robot... doing things because they are being demanded... but not feeling anything in the process... i seem to have become numb.... stopped showing my care for those who matter to me... been pushing them away... avoiding them... purposely not taking their calls or responding to their messages... because i don't feel like it.. this is so unlike me... but i just feel the need to be alone...

this loneliness is not exactly the kind you think it is.. i enjoy spending time with people etc.. however, i don't want to have to discuss anything personal with them.. about their or my life.. i feel suffocated at times ... i feel like going away.... really far away... where they can't reach me.. where nobody can reach me...

i no longer want to make myself vulnerable to pain... but in the process, i seem to have forgotten how to love.. and care... earlier there were a handful of people i cared about.. even that list seems to have dwindled.. its not that i no longer care about them.. i do.. i will be there for them if and when they need me.. but i am incapable of going up to them and telling them that i am there for them.. that they can trust me to be stand by them irrespective of anything... i am unsure of my ability of taking care of human emotions anymore.. my approach to them is extremely practical and unemotional...

earlier, if someone i knew i was upset, i would be a patient listener, sit and talk them through it.. and assure them... however now, i can't seem to be able to do that.. i just keep trying to find ways to get out of the situation.. because it makes me uncomfortable... and the only advice i seem to have is extremely practical and unemotional..without any care for human emotions.. someone would say that is really good.. but i know that fundamentally and inherently that is not who i am... and is someone who i despised.. this new me, with such feelings and thoughts.. a closed shell.. open only when assured of no danger.. is a different person... a person i despise.. is someone who has made a lot of mistakes... and the old me.. the real me.. is regretting those mistakes.. wants to make amends to them.. wants to work on her relations n friendships.. hopes that those who have stood by her so far, will stick around for a bit more and see her through this..

but the question is.. can i change back to being the old me.. the one who can feel.. the one who can love... is it possible to make amends and rescue those friendships which are in the danger zone.. or is it too late.. have i reached a point of no return??

I would hope not... I hope there is still hope.. and i hope that my friends will understand me.. and help me through this.. I hope i can get back what i have almost lost..

oh.. and on a lighter note, the trip to gokarna was fun.. mixed bag of emotions in my current state of mind!! :)