The Gift- Part II

Gabe was referring to people like Lou who were competitive. Ambitious people, with their eyes on the prize instead of the task at hand. People who wanted to be the best for all the wrong reasons and who'd take almost any path to get to that place. Being the best was equal as being in the middle, which was equal as being the worst. All were mere a state of being. It was how a person felt in that state and why they were in that state that was the important thing.

Gabe wanted explain to Lou that people like him were constantly looking over their shoulders, always looking at what the next person was doing, comparing themselves, looking to achieve greater things, always wanting to be better. And the entire point of telling all this was to warn him that people who constantly looked over their shoulders bumped into things.

Paths are so much clearer when people stop looking at what everyone else is doing and instead concentrate on themselves.

The Gift

One thing of great importance can affect a small number of people. Equally so, a thing of little importance can affect a multitude. Either way, a happening- big or small- can affect an entire string of people. Occurrences can join us all together. You see, we're all made up of the same stuff. When something happens, it triggers something inside us that connects us to a situation, connects us to other people, lighting us up and linking us like little lights on a Christmas tree, twisted and turned but still connected on a wire. Some go out, others flicker, others burn strong and bright, yet we're all on the same line.

A lesson finds the common denominator and links us all together, like a chain. At the end of that chain dangles a clock, and on the face of the clock the passing of time is registered. We hear t, the hushed tick-tock sound breaks any silence, and we see it, but often we don't feel it. Each second makes ts mark on every single person's life; comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot Christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold. Time is more precious than gold, more precious than diamonds, more precious than oil or any valuable treasures. It is time that we do not have enough of; it is time that causes the war within out hearts, and so we must spend it wisely. Time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for Christmas morning.

Time can't be given. But it can be shared.

My mantra in life..

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls.The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity and you are keeping all of them in the air. But one day, you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it'll bounce back. The other four balls- family, health, friends and integrity are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it'll be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the Five balls, you'll have the beginning of balance in your life!

Continuation to - A place called here

About two months ago i had posted something i had come across.. A Place Called here..
Recently, i made someone read it..they came up with a continuation to it.. I thought it to be quiet good .. and so here it goes.. the same post.. with an added version.. and it gives a very different touch to the whole thing! I love it.

We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found.... Sometimes, people can go missing right before our very eyes.. Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we were not paying enough attention.. Sometimes, people discover you, even though they've been looking at you the entire time..


Thank you for these beautiful lines.. though you tried to fool me by telling me this was the portion i dint have.. they seemed disjointed in the context in which i had written it.. but this makes sense too..

End of the year

its that time of the year again..where i get all nostalgic and remember the time gone by.. this year has its ups and downs too.. its moments .. and a lot of life defining moments.. more than any previous year gone by..
end of an era.. a life.. graduating from law school..
the beginning of a new life.. stepping into the "big bad world" called work..
end of friendships.. and a beginning to some new one's..
loving each and every moment of work.. discovering new things about myself.. learning the ropes..and finally doing something i love..
this is to a good year.. personally.. and professionally!
keeping fingers crossed all goes as planned!

Changes... again!

Someone questioned today.. do you really want to be a criminal lawyer? Without hesitation I replied a yes... But now, that I sit down to think about it, I wonder, do I really want to be.. There is no doubt about my love for criminal law.. but then, its purely fact based.. there is no law involved.. civil side has all the hard work.. criminal side.. all the techniques... There has been no woman criminal lawyer ... only public prosecutor.. ever wondered why..the answer is very simple.. in a corrupt society like ours, no work ever gets done until you keep the cops happy... and how can you as a woman do that?! Its a noteworthy question I would say... Someone today questioned my decisions... n my dreams.. and has left me in a dilemma ...

On a different note.. people you care about..don't value you.. those you don't care about.. you don't value.. its a funny world.. we're always running after that which we cant get..and brush aside what we are getting... People need to realise that and stop doing so..

After all these years.. I have finally changed.. very few things make a difference to me... But is this change temporary..or permanent... I can't say..

A Place Called Here

We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found.

witnessing the first arguments...

there is no way to describe the feeling i felt today...

when i saw a matter i had worked on come to its conclusion..

it was like seeing your baby grow up... like a fledgling learning to fly.. 

the happiness that was felt was enormous... the satisfaction even more.. 

the judge agreeing to your line of reasoning.. 

the strategy paying off..

immense pleasure as well... 

words are too few..

i wonder how it will feel when i argue my first matter and when i get my first favourable decision!

i might just be too overwhelmed..

im waiting.. expectantly for that day..

eagerly.. hopefully.. excitedly.. 

Graduation

Back in Bangalore... for one last time...
its nice to be back.. feel a part of this place and the people.. familiar faces tend to do that to you
its a happy moment..I wish time would stop right here..

but then again there is another life back in Delhi.. that I have fallen in love with..my work..
to sacrifice one for the other..its unfair

relations change with distance.. its a fact.. no matter what one might say.. I want to try keeping it the same..but the other person has moved on.. way ahead than you knew.. and I realised only when I saw it..they don't need you any more the way they did.. but you're still stuck there.. from where you left off..

tomorrow, I graduate...
tomorrow..for one last time..I will be with you here..

First Month at Work

Its been one whole month since i began work..

I'm still to get paid..but I'm not here to whine about that.. I did take up this profession at the risk of not getting paid at all.. so that's a separate issue altogether..

this is for the one month at work.. one week as an advocate..

People often ask..how does it feel to be working.. how does it feel to be an advocate.. well, in reality it seems the same as an internship..the only difference being that now I have to be more responsible.. I no longer have the excuse of being an intern who doesn't know how things work..yeah.. i do get some leverage as I am still learning work..but still.. I am now responsible for the lives of others..

after starting work, listening to people talk of their dreams.. has given me the power to dream.. and now.. even I want to achieve something.. something big... but will I be able to??
I thought I had figured out my life... everything was planned...however all that seems to have gone haywire since I began work.. well, I've decided... I will let that be.. what is meant to be will be.. I've enjoyed my first month at work thoroughly.. Now keeping fingers crossed and hoping things will continue to go smoothly in the future..

This is to my first month at work! :)

yesterday...

lightning... thunder... rain... cool breeze... perfect weather.. hot hot coffee...

Bangalore weather.. and nags...

Law school... and a lot more

At the beginning..

This is the theme song...from the movie Anastasia... fell in love with it the first i heard it in my first year... rediscovered it after 2years...

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothings gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I�ll be there when the world stops turning
I�ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Lovely.. isn't it..

Current state of mind...

Well, where should i begin.. this is going to be difficult.. because when a human being finally comes to realize and accept their short comings, its a slight problem..

well, here its not so much of a short coming, but a problem that has surfaced in me over the past few months.. this current state of mind is no longer current.. it seems to be going on for very long.. I seem to have become detached... unable to express my emotions... show my feelings... even if i care, I can't seem to show it... and i can't seem to feel anything... no emotions.. of happiness.. of sadness.. of love.. of hurt... its like i have become a robot... doing things because they are being demanded... but not feeling anything in the process... i seem to have become numb.... stopped showing my care for those who matter to me... been pushing them away... avoiding them... purposely not taking their calls or responding to their messages... because i don't feel like it.. this is so unlike me... but i just feel the need to be alone...

this loneliness is not exactly the kind you think it is.. i enjoy spending time with people etc.. however, i don't want to have to discuss anything personal with them.. about their or my life.. i feel suffocated at times ... i feel like going away.... really far away... where they can't reach me.. where nobody can reach me...

i no longer want to make myself vulnerable to pain... but in the process, i seem to have forgotten how to love.. and care... earlier there were a handful of people i cared about.. even that list seems to have dwindled.. its not that i no longer care about them.. i do.. i will be there for them if and when they need me.. but i am incapable of going up to them and telling them that i am there for them.. that they can trust me to be stand by them irrespective of anything... i am unsure of my ability of taking care of human emotions anymore.. my approach to them is extremely practical and unemotional...

earlier, if someone i knew i was upset, i would be a patient listener, sit and talk them through it.. and assure them... however now, i can't seem to be able to do that.. i just keep trying to find ways to get out of the situation.. because it makes me uncomfortable... and the only advice i seem to have is extremely practical and unemotional..without any care for human emotions.. someone would say that is really good.. but i know that fundamentally and inherently that is not who i am... and is someone who i despised.. this new me, with such feelings and thoughts.. a closed shell.. open only when assured of no danger.. is a different person... a person i despise.. is someone who has made a lot of mistakes... and the old me.. the real me.. is regretting those mistakes.. wants to make amends to them.. wants to work on her relations n friendships.. hopes that those who have stood by her so far, will stick around for a bit more and see her through this..

but the question is.. can i change back to being the old me.. the one who can feel.. the one who can love... is it possible to make amends and rescue those friendships which are in the danger zone.. or is it too late.. have i reached a point of no return??

I would hope not... I hope there is still hope.. and i hope that my friends will understand me.. and help me through this.. I hope i can get back what i have almost lost..

oh.. and on a lighter note, the trip to gokarna was fun.. mixed bag of emotions in my current state of mind!! :)

Change...

Have you ever sat in a group of people and felt completely left out.. Have you ever been misunderstood by people close to you.. Have you gone ahead and done something that you know you shouldn't have... Even when others have made it amply clear to you that doing so would make them go in the opposite direction...

Why is it that human beings do things they know they shouldn't?

Someone once told me, get too close, too familiar, hold on too tight to me, and I will no longer be there... I still did it... He won't understand it was because I was scared....my fear is what may make me lose him... our are fears the cause of all problems... If only we could conquer our fears....

Change.. the only constant thing in life... the only way to reinvent ourselves... Change.. the one thing we do when we learn from our mistakes... Change... what circumstances forces us to do... Change.. a consequence of fear?

"All she had needed was the certainty of his love, and his reassurance that there was no hurry when a lifetime lay ahead of them. Love and patience- if only he had had them both at once- would surely have seen them both through. This is how the entire course of a life can be changed- by doing nothing."

Nothing more needs to be said..

The Secret

I recently began reading a book.. that i was introduced to by someone.. its called "The Secret". i'm still half way through it.. but some things i read are worth sharing and thinking about.. and maybe learning too..

"The Great Secret of Life is the law of attraction"

"The law of attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you"

"Your current thoughts are creating your future life. What you think about the most or focus on the most will appear as your life. Your thoughts become things"

"Like Alladin's Genie, the law of attraction grants our every command"

"The creative process helps you create what you want in three simple steps: ask, believe and receive. Asking the Universe for what you want is your opportunity to get clear about what you want. As you get clear in your mind, you have asked. Believing involves acting, speaking and thinking as though you have already received it, the law of attraction move people, events and circumstances for you to receive. Receiving involves feeling the way you will fell once your desire has manifested. Feeling good now puts you on the frequency of what you want."

"Create your day in advance by thinking the way you want it to go, and you will create your life intentionally"

"Expectation is a powerful attractive force. Expect the things you want, and don't expect the things you don't want"

"Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life. Be grateful for what you already have, and you will attract more good things"

"To use the law of attraction to your advantage, make it a habitual way of being, not just a one-time event"


One thing that is interesting is that these steps, as the book calls it, for wisdom and fulfillment talks about "Expectation". Now, i think at some time or the other all of us have been told and maybe feel for ourselves that expectation is the cause of misery, because the minute human mind expects something from another, the chances of disappointment are high, and hence we are told that we should not expect. But the way this book goes to show, that if we expect with a positive view, it will get fulfilled, because the genie of the universe will grant us whatever we wish for. If what we wish for is coupled with negative thoughts, then it will grant us that wish.. by not giving it to us.. because we are not wishing with a clear and positive mind.. and we are not sure of what we want..

I am not sure if what i have written makes sense.. or if i have been able to bring my point across... but for the time being.. this is what i have understood.. !!

till later.. !!